Spells that Work!

Spell to Get Measles:

1. Find someone who has measles.
2. Lick them.

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Spell to Turn Day Into Night:

1. Stand facing a large tree or wall.
2. Close eyes tightly.
3. Keeping eyes closed, run straight ahead as fast as you can.

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Spell to Breathe Underwater:

1. Attach concrete block to your feet.
2. Jump into water.
3. Breathe normally and sing the tune to "Flipper."
4. Takes about 5 minutes for lungs to adjust.

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Spell to Commune With Pink Elephants:

1. Pour glass of vodka or alcoholic drink of choice.
2. Drink.
3. Repeat steps 1-3.

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Spell to Attract Lightning:

1. Cover yourself in metal: jewelry, chains, golf clubs, nails, nuts and bolts, hub-caps, etc.
2. Go out into a thunderstorm and hold a long TV antenna high in the air.
3. Wait.

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Spell to Stop a Runny Nose:

1. Get two cotton balls.
2. Shove one up each nostril.
3. Tape them there.

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Spell to Make a Person Fall in Love With You:

1. Call person at least thirty times a day.
2. Park outside their house and shut your headlights off.
3. Leave sweet tokens on doorstep (i.e.-roses without petals, a nice headless Barbie doll...)
4. Follow them everywhere they go ... careful, they'll try to lose you!
5. Don't worry if they get that silly restraining order, that means the spell is working!

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Spell to Make Your Computer Fast:

1. Open Window.
2. Throw Computer out window. (If the computer hit ground really fast, the spell worked.)

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Spell to Save on Gas:

1. Cut holes in floorboards of car.
2. Remove shoes.
3. While still seated, pedal feet really fast.
4. Scream "Yabba Dabba Do!" Optional: Invite passengers to join in the fun!

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A Spell to Go to the Bathroom:

1. Drink so much water that you think you will burst.
2. Drink another glass anyway.
3. Wait ten minutes, then guzzle a can of pop.
4. Repeat step 3 as often as desired to increase the spell's effect.

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Alternate Spell to Go to the Bathroom:

1. Eat a bushel of prunes.
2. Take a dose of Exlax.
3. Wait. Stay close to the bathroom!

**Stoopid Disclaimer**

WARNING: These spells are meant solely for humor. Please do NOT attempt ANY of these spells!

[Chances are, they WILL work, but their results will be less than desirable.]

[All jokes are believed to be in the public domain. If you feel one of these belongs to you, please let us know the details and we will either remove the material or provide a link at your request.]

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