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Diary Of A Viagra Housewife


Day 1.

Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to
celebrate. When it came time to re-enact our wedding night, he
locked himself in the bathroom and cried.

Day 2.

Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me. He's impotent, he
says, and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn't he
tell me something I don't know! I mean, he actually thinks I
haven't noticed.

Day 3.

This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Yesterday, I saw
a picture of Nelson's Column and burst into tears.

Day 4.

A miracle has happened! There's a new drug on the market that
will fix his 'problem.' It's called Viagra. I told him that if he
takes Viagra,things will be just like they were on our wedding
night. I think this will work.I replaced his Prozac with the
Viagra, hoping to lift something other than his mood.

Day 5.

What absolute bliss!!.

Day 6.

Isn't life wonderful but it's difficult to write while he's doing
that.

Day 7.

This Viagra thing has gone to his head. No pun intended!
Yesterday, at Burger King, the manager asked me if I'd like a
Whopper. He thought they were talking about him. But, have to
admit it's very nice - I don't think I've ever been so happy.

Day 8.

I think he took too many over the weekend. Yesterday, instead of
mowing the lawn, he was using his new friend as a weed whacker.
I'm also getting a bit sore down there.

Day 9.

No time to write. He might catch me.  


Day 10.

Okay, I admit it. I'm hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so
much. And to make matters worse, he's washing the Viagra down
with neat whisky!  What am I going to do? I feel tacky all over....

Day 11.

I'm basically being screwed to death. It's like living with a
Black and Decker drill. I woke up this morning hot-glued to the
bed. Even my armpits hurt. He's a complete pig.

Day 12.

I wish he was gay. I've stopped wearing make-up, cleaning my
teeth or even washing but he still keeps coming after me! Even
yawning has become dangerous .

Day 13.

Every time I shut my eyes, there's a sneak attack! It's like
going to bed with a scud missile. I can hardly walk and if he
tries that "Oops, sorry" thing again, I'll kill the bastard.

Day 14.

I've done everything to turn him off. Nothing is working. I even
started dressing like a nun but this just seems to make him more
horny. Help me!
 

Day 15.

I think I'll have to kill him. I'm starting to stick to
everything I sit on. The cat and dog won't go near him and our
friends don't come over any more. Last night I told him to go and
f**k himself and he did.

Day 16.

The bastard has started to complain about headaches. I hope the
bloody thing explodes. I did suggest he might try stopping the
Viagra and going back on Prozac.

Day 17.

Switched the pills but it doesn't seem to have made any
difference......Christ !!! here he comes again.

Day 18. He's back on Prozac. The lazy sod just sits there in
front of the TV all day with that remote control in his hand and
expects me to do everything for him. What absolute bliss!!.
 

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