• A child will not spill on a dirty floor. 
• A young child is a noise with dirt on it. 
• A youth becomes a man when the marks he wants to leave on the world have nothing to do with tires. 
• An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. 
• Celibacy is not hereditary. 
• For adult education, nothing beats children. 
• Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain. 
• If a child looks like his father, that's heredity; if he looks like a neighbor, that's environment. 
• If you have trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down and look comfortable. 
• Insanity is inherited; you get it from your kids. 
• It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to educate his father. 
• It rarely occurs to teenagers that the day will come when they'll know as little as their parents. 
• Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch. 
• Summer vacation is a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid. 
• The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. 
• There are three ways to get things done: 1: do it yourself. 2: hire someone to do it. 3: or forbid your kids to do it. 
• You can learn many things from children...like how much patience you have.

Don't Pee In the Pool