Words

The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words.

The following were some of this year's winning entries:

~ Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

~ Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

~ Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

~ Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

~ Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

~ Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absent- mindedly answer the door in your nightie.

~ Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

~ Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.

~ Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

~ Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

~ Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

~ Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

~ Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

~ Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

~ Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

~ Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.

 

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