Politically Correct Statements for the New Century

• Your bedroom isn't cluttered, it's just "passage restrictive."

• Kids don't get grounded anymore. They merely hit "social speed bumps."

• You're not late, you just have a "rescheduled arrival time."

• You're not having a bad hair day, you're suffering from "rebellious follicle syndrome."

• No one's tall anymore. They're "vertically enhanced."

• You're not shy. You're "conversationally selective."

• You don't talk a lot. You're just "abundantly verbal."

• It's not called gossip anymore. It's "the speedy transmission of near-factual information."

AND FOR STUDENTS...

• The food at the school cafeteria isn't awful. It's "digestively challenged."

• No one fails a class anymore, he's merely "passing impaired."

• You don't have detention, you're just one of the "exit delayed."

• These days, a student isn't lazy. He's "energetically declined."

• Your locker isn't overflowing with junk, it's just "closure prohibitive."

• Your homework isn't missing, it's just having an "out-of-notebook experience."

• You're not sleeping in class, you're "rationing consciousness."

• You don't have smelly gym socks, you have "odor-retentive athletic footwear."

• You weren't passing notes in class. You were "participating in the discreet exchange of penned meditations."

• You're not being sent to the principal's office. You're "going on a mandatory field trip to the administrative building."

 

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