Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the behind and a "Nice hustle, you'll get'em next time" would pretty much do it.
Birth control would come in ale or lager.
Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.
Garbage would take itself out.
The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle".
Instead of "beer-belly", you'd get "beer-biceps".
Tanks would be far easier to rent.
Two words... "Ally McNaked".
When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in:
Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"
You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place."
Cop : "Nice one, That's $10.00 off".
Every man would get 4 real "Get Out of Jail Free" cards.
Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers.
Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife to-be with a giant foam hand that said "You're #1!".
When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.
Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to "I love you".
The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
"Sorry I'm late, but I got wasted last night", would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.
Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
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Unless otherwise noted, all photos and text is Copyright © Richard G Lowe, Jr.