Questions only dumb people would ask

• How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
• How do you get the "Keep off the Grass" sign on the grass?
• How do you get off a non-stop flight?
• How do you know when you've run out of invisible ink?
• How do you throw away a garbage can?
• How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
• How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
• If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?
• If a pig is sold to the pawn shop, is it considered a ham-hock?
• If a turtle lost his shell, is he homeless, naked, or both?
• If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?
• If corn oil is made from corn, where do we get baby oil from?
• If I save time, when do I get it back?
• If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?
• If Superman is so smart why does he wear his underpants over his trousers?
• If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look like the way they do?
• If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
• If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
• If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
• If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
• If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
• If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
• If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
• If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
• If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
• Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
• Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
• Was the pole vault accidentally discovered by a clumsy javelin thrower?
• What do people in China call their good plates?
• What do you call a bedroom with no bed in it?
• What do you call a male ladybug?
• What do you say if you're talking to God, and he sneezes?
• What happens to an 18 hour bra after 18 hours?
• What if you're in hell, and you're mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?
• What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
• What makes cheese so confidential that we actually need cheese shredders?
• When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
• When cows laugh, does milk come out of their noses?
• When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time it was to set it to?
• Where are the germs that cause "good" breath?
• Where do they get Spring water in the other 3 seasons?
• Why are all blackboards called that when some of them are green?
• Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?
• Why are they called "stands" when they're made for sitting?
• Why aren't there ever any guilty bystanders?
• Why do ballet dancers dance on their toes? Why doesn't the company just hire taller dancers?
• Why do people tell you when they are speechless?
• Why do they give you a tape with a VCR to tell you how to use it?
• Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
• Why do we need training bras? What can we teach them?
• Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
• Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game," when we are already there?
• Why do your feet smell and your nose runs?
• Why do you need an appointment to see a psychic... shouldn't they already know you're coming?
• Why does it take 15 minutes to cook minute rice?
• Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
• Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
• Why don't they just use fattest man in the world for a hockey goalie?
• Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
• Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
• Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?
• Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
• Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Superman's chest, but he ducks when the gun is thrown at him?
• Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
• Dumb Question: If your scared half to death twice, what happens?

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