(Various emails on the internet have attributed these jokes to George Carlin. They are in fact not his jokes as per George Carlin).
1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
3. If man evolved from monkeys and apes...why do we still have monkeys and apes?
4. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
5. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him...........is he still wrong?
6. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
7. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
8. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
9. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
10. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
11. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
12. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
13. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
14. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?
15. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?
[All jokes are believed to be in the public domain. If you feel one of these belongs to you, please let us know the details and we will either remove the material or provide a link at your request.]
Unless otherwise noted, all photos and text is Copyright © Richard G Lowe, Jr.