The Senility Prayer

God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the
good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to tell
the difference.
    Now that I'm 'older' (but refuse to grow up), here's what
I've discovered:
    ONE- I started out
  with nothing,
  and I still have most of it.
    TWO- My wild oats
  have turned into
  prunes and All Bran.
    THREE- I finally got my
  head together; now my
  body is falling apart.
    FOUR- Funny, I
  don't remember being absent
  minded...
    FIVE- All reports are in;
  life is now officially
  unfair.
    SIX- If all is not lost, where
  is it?
    SEVEN-
    It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
    EIGHT- Some
    days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
    NINE- I wish
    the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few...
    TEN- Kids in the
  back seat cause
  accidents.
    ELEVEN- Accidents in the back seat
  cause...kids.
    TWELVE- It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been
anywhere.
    THIRTEEN- Only time the world beats a     path to
your door is when you're in the bathroom.     FOURTEEN- If God
wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
    FIFTEEN-
    When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone
decide to play chess?
    SIXTEEN- It's not hard to meet expenses... they're
everywhere.
    SEVENTEEN- The only difference between a rut and a grave is
the depth.
    EIGHTEEN- These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about
the hereafter... I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what
I'm here after.
    NINETEEN- UNABLE TO REMEMBER IF I HAVE MAILED THIS TO YOU OR
NOT AND DOUBT IF YOU CAN EITHER

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