Timesheets

TO:  ALL PERSONNEL
FROM:  ACCOUNTING

   It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been 
turning in timesheets that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous 
Unproductive Time" (Code 5309). However, we need to know exactly what 
you are doing during your unproductive time.
   Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code 
list based on our observations of employee activities.
   The list will allow you to specify with a fair amount of precision 
what you are doing during your unproductive time. Please begin using 
this job-code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties 
you encounter.

       Thank you,
       Accounting

Attached: Extended Job-Code List 

Code
Number         Explanation
 ----------     -----------
5316          Useless Meeting
5317          Obstructing Communications at Meeting
5318          Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in Meeting 
5319          Waiting for Break
5320          Waiting for Lunch
5321          Waiting for End of Day
5322          Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker
5323          Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker While 
              Coworker is Not Present
5393          Covering for Incompetence of Coworker Friend
5400          Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Not 
              Interested in Learning
5401          Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Stupid 
5402          Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who Hates You 
5481          Buying Snack
5482          Eating Snack
5500          Filling Out Timesheet
5501          Inventing Timesheet Entries
5502          Waiting for Something to Happen 
5503          Scratching Yourself
5504          Sleeping
5510          Feeling Bored
5511          Feeling Horny
5600          Complaining About Lousy Job 
5601          Complaining About Low Pay 
5602          Complaining About Long Hours
5603          Complaining About Coworker (See Codes #5322 & 
              #5323)
5604          Complaining About Boss
5605          Complaining About Personal Problems 
5640          Miscellaneous Unproductive Complaining 
5701          Not Actually Present At Job
5702          Suffering From Eight-Hour Flu 
6102          Ordering Out
6103          Waiting for Food Delivery to Arrive 
6104          Taking It Easy While Digesting Food
6200          Using Company Resources for Personal Profit 
6201          Stealing Company Goods
6202          Making Excuses After Accidentally Destroying 
              Company Goods
6203          Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal 
              Calls
6204          Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal 
              Calls to Sell Stolen Company Goods
6205          Hiding from Boss
6206          Gossip
6207          Planning a Social Event (e.g. vacation, wedding, 
              etc.)
6210          Feeling Sorry For Yourself 
6211          Updating Resume
6212          Faxing Resume to Another Employer/Headhunter 
6213          Out of Office on Interview
6221          Pretending to Work While Boss Is Watching 
6222          Pretending to Enjoy Your Job
6223          Pretending You Like Coworker
6224          Pretending You Like Important People When in 
              Reality They are Jerks
6238          Miscellaneous Unproductive Fantasizing 
6350          Playing Pranks on the New Guy/Girl
6601          Running your own Business on Company Time (See Code 
              #6603)
6602          Complaining
6603          Writing a Book on Company Time 
6611          Staring Into Space
6612          Staring At Computer Screen 
6615          Transcendental Meditation
7281          Extended Visit to the Bathroom (at least 10 
              minutes)
7400          Talking With Divorce Lawyer on Phone 
7401          Talking With Plumber on Phone
7402          Talking With Dentist on Phone 
7403          Talking With Doctor on Phone 
7404          Talking With Masseuse on Phone
7405          Talking With House Painter on Phone
7406          Talking With Personal Therapist on Phone
7419          Talking With Miscellaneous Paid Professional on 
              Phone
7425          Talking With Mistress/Boy-Toy on Phone
7931          Asking Coworker to Aid You in an Illicit Activity 
8000          Recreational Drug Use
8001          Non-recreational Drug Use 
8002          Liquid Lunch
8100          Reading e-mail

[All jokes are believed to be in the public domain. If you feel one of these belongs to you, please let us know the details and we will either remove the material or provide a link at your request.]

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