Company Policy

JACOBS ENGINEERING NEW EMPLOYMENT POLICY EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY

SICK DAYS: We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

SURGERY: Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

YOUR OWN DEATH: This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your replacement.

REST ROOM USE: Entirely too much time is being spent in the rest room. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, those whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:10, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:10 to 8:20 and so on. If you're unable to go at your time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your time comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees' supervisors must approve this exchange in writing. In addition, there is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm bell will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open.

PAYCHECK GUIDE: The following helpful guide has been prepared to help our employees better understand their paychecks:

Item Amount Gross pay $1,222.02 
Income tax $244.40 
Outgo tax $45.21 
State tax $11.61 
Interstate tax $61.10 
County tax $6.11 
City tax $12.22 
Rural tax $4.44 
Back tax $1.11 
Front tax $1.16 
Side tax $1.61 
Up tax $2.22 
Tic-Tacs $1.98 
Thumbtacks $3.93 
Carpet tacks $0.98 
Stadium tax $0.69 
Flat tax $8.32 
Surtax $3.46 
Corporate tax $2.60 
Parking fee $5.00 
F.I.C.A. $81.88 
T.G.I.F. Fund $9.95 
Life insurance $5.85 
Health insurance $16.23 
Dental insurance $4.50 
Mental insurance $4.33 
Reassurance $0.11 
Disability $2.50 
Ability $0.25 
Liability $3.41 
Unreliability $10.99 
Coffee $6.85 
Coffee Cups $66.51 
Floor rental $16.85 
Chair rental $0.32 
Desk rental $4.32 
Union dues $5.85 
Union don'ts $3.77 
Cash advance $0.69 
Cash retreats $121.35 
Overtime $1.26 
Undertime $54.83 
Eastern time $9.00 
Central time $8.00 
Mountain time $7.00 
Pacific time $6.00 
Time Out $12.21 
Oxygen $10.02 
Water $16.54 
Heat $51.42 
Cool air $26.83 
Miscellaneous $113.29 
Sundry $12.09 
Various $8.51

Net Take Home Pay <$0.48>

We expect the check to be delivered to the mailroom by the end of your shift. No change given.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. All questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation's, consternation's, or input should be directed elsewhere.

Have a great day!

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