(Preface from original Canonical list site)
A teenager of about 17 has a hot date with a girl, so he decided to go to the pharmacy to buy some condoms. The pharmacist says, "What can I help you with?" The teen hesistantly says, "I'd like to...uh... ah... buy a condom." Pharmacist says, "Okay. Here you are." (Sets a box of condoms on counter) The teen, thinking that was rather easy and painless, says, "Well, now that I think about it, I think I'll be needing two boxes of condoms." The pharmacist replies, "Well, okay." (Gets another one) The teen, getting even bolder, then says, "Actually, its a pretty hot date I have tonight. I think I'll be needing four boxes of condoms." The teen keeps changing his mind and increasing the number of condoms he wants until he's leaving the pharmacy with 20 boxes of condoms. Later that night, the teenager arrives at his girlfriend's house. She tells him that he's invited to stay for dinner. So he goes in and sits down at the table with all of her family. The father asks if he'd like to say grace before beginning the meal. The teen accepts and says the following, "Oh Lord, thank you for this food and the hands that made it, and the people who took the time to grow it and... (goes on for nearly 10 minutes, blessing *everything* including the table, the silverware, all the containers, the floor, etc...) ...Amen. The girl turns to the teen and says, "Gee, I didn't know that you were really religious." The teen whispers back, "Well, I didn't know that your dad was a pharmacist."
This kid walks into the pharmacy: "I've a hot date tonight, a sure thing, and my buddies said you could fix me up for it." "What do you want?" "Well, it's a hot date, man. A sure thing? You know..." "What do you want?" "I need some protection, alright??!?!" "What size?" "Size? I dunno... Whatever is considered average I guess." "That'll be $2.35 including tax." "Tacks? Tacks? I thought they stayed on by themselves!"
A guy walks into a local pharmacy and walks up to the counter where a lady pharmacist is filling prescriptions. When she finally gets around to helping him he says, "I'd like 99 condoms please." With a surprised look on her face the pharmacist says, "99 Condoms!?! Fuck me!" to which the guy replies, "Make it 100."
A man walks into a pharmacy and asks for a pack of condoms. As soon as he has paid for them, he starts laughing and walks out. The next day, the same performance, with the man walking out laughing fit to bust. The pharmacist thinks this odd and asks his assistant that, if the man returns, to follow him. Sure enough, he comes into the store the next day, repeating his actions once more. The assistant duly follows. Half an hour later, he returns. "So did you follow him?" "I did." "And...where did he go?" "Over to your house..."
A woman walks into the local pharmacy as ask to see sanitary napkins. The pharmacist replies, "We have mini-pads and maxi-pads, which do you prefer?" The woman asks, "What's the difference?" Pharmacist replies, "It depends on what you flow is like!" Woman replies, "My flo? My flo is linoleum!"
A young lad starts work in a pharmacy. The owner is explaining the rudiments of the job to the youth... "When a customer comes into the shop, be very polite to them and try to put a little poetry into it when you're talking to them." The youth says that he does not see what the pharmacist means by this, so the pharmacist says that he should observe when the next customer comes in and watch how he or she is dealt with. Presently a middle aged woman comes in to the shop and asks for something for a tummy bug. The pharmacist says, "There's a lot of that virus going about, but this pink mixture should sort you out!" "Oh thank you very much!" says the middle aged woman and she leaves the shop. So the pharmacist says the youth can serve the next customer while he goes to tea break, "And remember to put some poetry into it" he says. Anyway, the youth waits around and nobody comes in, so he decides to go to the restroom. Just as he's about to nip off, a young teenage girl comes in. "Can I help you?" he asks. She replies very embarrassedly that she would like to buy some sanitary towels, to which the youth replies : "Hang on Miss, I'm dying for a piss, but I'll be back in a flash, with a sash for your gash!"
So Dracula's coffin was on a collision course for Jerry's pharmacy. Jerry was a quick thinker, so he whipped out a pack of cherry Halls and threw it at the casket. The Halls really worked, 'cuz the coffin' stopped.
A funeral procession was winding it's way to the cemetery on top of the hill outside town, when the hearse hit a bump. The coffin was bumped loose, fell out onto the road and began sliding back toward town. (It was a steep hill) It slid faster and faster. Finally, it reached the town and was skidding its way down Main St. Suddenly, at one intersection, the coffin hit a curb, flew onto the sidewalk, smashed through the front glass window of the pharmacy, and slammed up against the prescription counter. The lid popped off, the corpse sat up and said, "You got anything to stop this coffin?"
A funny story I know comes from someone's father-in-law who is a pharmacist. One of his customers complained that the capsules she'd been given weren't working. "Oh," he said, "You've been taking them the wrong way. You have to take them so that the green half goes in first." He said that she stopped by a week later to let him know that her medication was working fine now.
A doctor is to give a speech at the local AMA dinner. He jots down notes for his speech. Unfortunately, when he stands in front of his colleagues later that night, he finds that he can't read his notes. So he asks, "Is there a pharmacist in the house?"
Why aren't there any Aggie pharmacists? They can't figure out how to get those little bottles into the typewriter.
A duck walks into a drugstore and says to the pharmacist, "Gimme a chap stick." The pharmacist asks the duck, "Will that be cash or charge?" The duck replies, "Just put it on my bill." The next day, the duck goes back to the drugstore and says to the clerk, "Give me a box of condoms." The clerk says, "Do you want me to also put them on your bill?" The duck says, "Hell no, I'm not that kind of duck!"
A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic knowledge in pill form. A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available. The pharmacist says, "Here's a pill for English literature." The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature! "What else do you have?" asks the student. "Well, I have pills for art history, biology, and world history," replies the pharmacist. The student asks for these, and swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects. Then the student asks, "Do you have a pill for math?" The pharmacist says, "Wait just a moment," goes back into the storeroom, brings back a whopper of a pill, and plunks it on the counter. "I have to take that huge pill for math?" inquires the student. The pharmacist replied, "Well, you know math always was a little hard to swallow."
There was an old lady who heard you could keep cigarettes dry at the beach by stuffing the pack into a condom. She stopped into the pharmacy to pick some up. The pharmacist said, "What brand of condoms to you prefer ma'am." She said, "I'm not sure, they're for my Camels," at which point he fainted.
This guy goes to the pharmacist and says, "Listen, these two girls are coming to my place for the weekend and they are hot, very hot. Would you have something to get me going all night. It is going to be a hell of a party." The pharmacist goes in the back room, comes back with an old dusty bottle and says, "This stuff is very potent, you drink only one ounce of it and I guarantee that you will be doing the wild thing all night. Let me know about it." The weekend goes by and on Monday morning, the pharmacist is going to work and at the door of the drug store, the same fellow is there waiting for him. The pharmacist says, "What are you doing here so early? How was your weekend?" The guy replies, "Quick open the store, I need Blue Ice (a pain muscle reliever). The pharmacist, knowing what the guy had been doing all weekend, says, "Are you crazy, you can't put that on your penis. The skin is way too sensitive." The guy says, "It's not for my penis, it's for my arm." Pharmacist says, "What?? What happened?" Guy replies, "Well...I drank the whole bottle of your potion." Pharmacist says, "And..." Guy replies, "The girls never showed up!"
This Indian goes into a drug store and tells the pharmacist that he has too many youngins. He asks if there is anything he can take for it. The pharmacist puts some rubbers on the counter and says try these. The Indian leaves happy. The next day, the Indian walks up to the counter and throws the remaining rubbers at the pharmacist. The pharmacist asks what happened. The Indian just looks at him and says, "Left nut go UGH. Right nut go UGH. Rubber go BANG!!" The pharmacist looks suprised and gets some extra heavy duty Trojans and hands them to him and suggests he try these. The next day, the Indian comes back in and throws the remaining rubbers at the pharmacist. The suprised pharmacist asks what happened this time? The Indian just looks at him and says, "Left nut go UGH. Right nut go UGH. Rubber go BANG!" The pharmacist thinks for a while. He says wait here and I'll be right back. He goes out back and gets an old Tire tube and sews a rubber out of it. He gives this to the Indian and says to try it. The Indian looks at it and agrees it will work. The next day, the Indian comes into the store moaning and limping! The pharmacist goes up to him and helps him to a seat. He then asks the Indian what happened. The Indian looks at him and says, "Left nut go UGH! RUBBER go UGH! RIGHT NUT GO _BANG_!!!"
As a pharmacist, the general public expects us to be rather professional. Thus is is easy (and fun!) to catch people off guard by having a sense of humor... The following exchange took place between me and one of my patients: Me: Take this medication on an empty stomach. Patient: Does it say that on the label? Me: Yes, on the sticker, next to the drawing of a stomach. Patient: Ewww, gross! Me: You should see what we put on the suppositories. Next!
A man walks into a drug store and asks the pharmacist, "Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?" "You mean aspirin?" asked the pharmacist. "That's it, I can never remember that word."
A man walks into a pharmacy and goes to the counter. Standing behind the counter is a young woman. "May I speak to the pharmacist?" he asks. "Well," she replies, "I am the pharmacist." He looks very uncomfortable, and asks for a *male* pharmacist, as he has a "male problem." She informs him that only she and her sister work at this particular establishment. He blushes and says, "Well, I really do need help, so I guess I'll ask you... I have a problem. I have a constant erection, and nothing I do seems to get rid of it. It's been like this for three months now. Can you give me anything for it?" The woman looks thoughtful, and says, "Hold on, I'll go in back and ask my sister." After a couple of minutes she returns and says, "We'll give you half of the business and it's profits, but that's all we can give you for it..."
Outside a chemist in a busy street, a poor man is clutching onto a pole for dear life, not breathing, not moving, not twitching a muscle, just standing there, frozen. The pharmacist, seeing this strange sight in front of his shop, goes up to his assistant and asks, "What's the matter with that guy? Wasn't he in here earlier?" Assistant replies, "Yes he was. He had the most terrible cough and none of my prescriptions seemed to help." Pharmacist says, "He seems to be fine now." Assistant replies, "Sure, he does. I gave him a box of the strongest laxatives on the market... Now he won't dare cough!"
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Unless otherwise noted, all photos and text is Copyright © Richard G Lowe, Jr.