(Preface from original Canonical list site)
In Memphis, Tennessee, it is illegal for a woman to drive a car unless there is a man either running or walking in front of it waving a red flag to warn approaching motorists and pedestrians.
It is illegal to say "Oh, Boy" in Jonesboro, Georgia.
It is Texas law that when two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone. In one of those "true facts" books there was an explanation for this law. It seems that one of the state senators did not want a law passed. To keep this particular law from passing, he attached the train law to it. He hoped that his fellow senators would discover the train law attached, see how ridiculous it was, and not pass the laws. Nobody saw the the train law attached and passed both laws. This may not be the real reason, but it sounds good. And it might explain some of the laws we have to live with.
It is against the law to fish from horseback in Utah.
Idaho state law makes it illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds.
In Denver, it is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next door neighbor.
In Devon, Connecticut, it is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.
Years ago, I read that habeas corpus (the principle that a person cannot be held in jail without a warrant) originally passed in the English parliament when the person counting the votes jokingly counted a fat legislator as ten votes. According to the article, the bill would not have passed otherwise. (If anyone has a solid reference for this story, email it to me.
No one may catch fish with his bare hands in Kansas.
In Pocatello, Idaho, a law passed in 1912 provided that "The carrying of concealed weapons is forbidden, unless same are exhibited to public view."
Los Angeles "Daily News": Have you ever had the urge to rip the tag from a pillow or mattress, despite the warning of dire penalties? Well, it's perfectly legal now, if you live in Colorado. Governor Roy Romer formalized the law by gleefully tearing a label from a pillow at his office. "I've been worrying about the mattress inspector jumping through the window for years," he said.
San Francisco is said to be the only city in the nation to have ordinances guaranteeing sunshine to the masses.
I understand that in Germany, there is a law that every office must have a view of the sky, however small. So the office buildings are all long and skinny.
Kirkland, Illinois, law forbids bees to fly over the village or through any of its streets.
The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
It's illegal in Wilbur, Washington, to ride an ugly horse.
In certain sections of Pennsylvania many years ago, the Farmer's Anti-Automobile society set up some "rules of the road." In effect, they said: 1. "Automobiles travelling on country roads at night must send up a rocket every mile, then wait ten minutes for the road to clear." 2. "If a driver sees a team of horses, he is to pull to one side of the road and cover his machine with a blanket or dust cover that has been painted to blend into the scenery." 3. "In the event that a horse refuses to pass a car on the road, the owner must take his car apart and conceal the parts in the bushes."
In Tennessee, it is illegal to shoot any game other than whales from a moving automobile.
In Tulsa, Oklahoma, it is against the law to open a soda bottle without the supervision of a licensed engineer.
In Calgary, there is a by-law that is still on the books that requires businesses within the city to provide rails for tieing up horses.
There is/was a law on the books in Washington state that stated that a motorcar driven at night must be preceded by something like 100 yards by a man carrying a lantern...
In England, it is illegal to sell most goods on a Sunday, (this law is mostly ignored), it is however legal to sell a carrot. It is also legal to sell it at any price and to give free gifts with it, such as anything else one might want to buy on a Sunday!
In Bexley, Ohio, Ordinance number 223, of 09/09/19 prohibits the installation and usage of slot machines in outhouses.
A Kentucky statute says: "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she is escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club." Later, an amendment proposed: "The provisions of this statute shall not apply to any female weighing less than sixty pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds; nor shall it apply to female horses."
It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time.
In Cupertino, California, it is illegal to count backwards audibly in hexadecimal.
In Israel, there's no legal way for a man named Cohen to marry a divorced woman.
These excerpts are from the book "Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton (Walker; $8.95) Enjoy! In Ottumwa, Iowa, "It is unlawful for any male person, within the corporate limits of the (city), to wink at any female person with whom he is unacquainted." In Los Angeles, you cannot bathe two babies in the same tub at the same time. In Zion, Ill., it is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animals kept as pets. In Carmel, N.Y., a man can't go outside while wearing a jacket and pants that do not match. In Clawson, Mich., there is a law that makes it LEGAL for a farmer to sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens. In Gary, Ind., persons are prohibited from attending a movie house or other theater and from riding a public streetcar within four hours of eating garlic. In Miami, it's illegal for men to be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown. In St. Louis, it's illegal to sit on the curb of any city street and drink beer from a bucket. In Detroit, couples are banned from making love in an automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is parked on the couple's own property. In Harford, Conn., you aren't allowed to cross a street while walking on your hands. In Michigan, a woman isn't allowed to cut her own hair without her husband's permission. In Baltimore, it's illegal to throw bales of hay from a second-story window within the city limits. It's also illegal to take a lion to the movies. In Oxford, Ohio, it's illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man's picture. (ed: ???) In Nicholas County, W. Va., no member of the clergy is allowed to tell jokes or humorous stories from the pulpit during a church service. In California, animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship. In Pennsylvania, "any motorist driving along a country road at night must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait 10 minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock, and continue." In Carrizozo, N.M., it's forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public (includes legs and face). In Los Angeles, a man is legally entitled to beat his wife with a leather belt or strap, but the belt can't be wider than 2 inches, unless he has his wife's consent to beat her with a wider strap. In Kentucky, "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club" An amendment to the above legislation: "The provisions of this statuate shall not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds, nor shall it apply to female horses."
Chicago law prohibits eating in a place that is on fire.
According to Arkansas law, Section 4761, Pope's Digest: "No person shall be permitted under any pretext whatever, to come nearer than fifty feet of any door or window of any polling room, from the opening of the polls until the completion of the count and the certification of the returns."
It is against the law for a monster to enter the corporate limits of Urbana, Illinois.
Frankfort, Kentucky, makes it against the law to shoot off a policeman's tie.
The good burghers of Redwood City have outlawed the frying of gravy.
In Santa Clara, it is forbidden to dedicate parking spaces to the patron saint of television.
Prostitutes in San Francisco are not obliged to make change for bills larger than $50.
The city of Mountain View proscribes calling pet fish by "names of aggressive content, e.g. 'Biter', 'Killer', 'Sugar-Ray'"
Bicycles may not be ridden without "appropriate fashion accessories" anywhere in Santa Clara County (de facto law).
It is illegal to skateboard on walls "or other vertical surfaces" in Palo Alto.
Wearing a sweatshirt inside-out is deemed a "threatening misdemeanor" in Half-Moon Bay.
Kansas state law requires pedestrians crossing the highways at night to wear tail lights.
New Hampshire law forbids you to tap your feet, nod your head, or in any way keep time to the music in a tavern, restaurant, or cafe.
In 1930, the City Council of Ontario (California) passed an ordinance forbidding roosters to crow within the city limits.
Harthahorne (Oklahoma) City Ordinance, Section 363, states that it shall be unlawful to put any hypnotized person in a display window.
In Seattle, Washington, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon that is over six feet in length.
In Greene, New York, it is illegal to eat peanuts and walk backwards on the sidewalks when a concert is on.
A D.C. federal judge has ruled that begging is a form of free speech protected by the Constitution. That means that mugging is free speech too, only more persuasive.
Patent Yourself Manfred deLisle, a London patent attorney, is offering to file patent claims for the complete genome of any individual who wishes to "preserve his or her commercial options." Several hundred people have signed up for deLisle's services. However, it is anticipated that patent officials will impose extensive documentation demands that will render the scheme impractical. Amici Curiae Another London attorney, A. C. Pomeroy, is working with representatives of several major religions to file patent claims for the genetic substance deoxyribonucleic acid (DNA), "on behalf of an unspecified deity." Pomeroy's clients will claim that (a) DNA is a patentable invention and (b) the inventor is unable to file a claim personally and so must have his rights protected by a consortium of interested parties. The parties reportedly have agreed to share any royalties that accrue from the patent, on an equal basis.
From an Associated Press news wire: The state of Massachusetts is drafting regulations prohibiting large-scale bakers to allow the odor of bread to be released into the atmosphere because it contains ethanol, which can break down into ozone, a component of smog. "If people have such a visceral response to this smell, they can bake their own bread," said the engineer at the state Department of Environmental Protection who drafted the regulation.
From an AP bulletin: The New York City Transit Authority has ruled that women can ride the city subways topless. New York law dictates that if a man can be somewhere without a shirt, a woman gets the same right. The decision came after arrests of women testing the ordinance on the subways. A transit police spokesman said they would comply with the new rule, but "if they were violating any other rules, like sitting on a subway bench topless smoking a cigarette, then we would take action." Smoking is not allowed in the subways.
But as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witchcraft and executed was without a flaw; it is still unimpeachable. The judges' decisions based on it were sound in logic and in law. Nothing in any existing court was ever more thoroughly proved than the charges of witchcraft and sorcery for which so many suffered death. If there were no witches, human testimony and human reason are alike destitute of value. - Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
From the National Review West: Starting January 1 1995, it is illegal in California to possess bear gall bladders. Also, it is no longer permissible to trip horses for entertainment.
From the March 1995 "Reader's Digest" There Oughta Be A Law By Richard Johnson It seems that we have laws for everything but the stuff that can really get on our nerves. For instance, "there oughta be a law" to protect citizens from the airline passenger who maintains his seat in a fully reclined position while an in-flight meal is being served. So I propose that we start passing some much- needed legislation to crack down on the following offenses: Resisting A Rest: Repeatedly disrupting an entire row of patrons at a theater or sports event by heading for refreshments, frequent rest-room visits, and leg-stretching. Euphonious Assault: Playing the car radio at ear-splitting volume so the next driver is blasted into the back seat. Lane Sharking: Parking over two spaces in a crowded lot so that the adjacent space is rendered useless. Coffee-right Infringement: Hurry-up restaurant employees who are too quick to bring your bill at the end of a meal. Violation Of Individual Swivel Rights: Rotating a circular merchandise rack while another shopper is browsing on the other side. Breaking And Exiting: Slipping away after dropping a bottle of pancake syrup while in an empty grocery-store aisle. Sorry I Missed Him'meanor: Intentionally returning unwanted phone calls when you know the party who called will be out. Kidyapping: Failure to get off the subject of your children. Poly-gamey: Attempting to watch two televised football games and a tennis tournament simultaneously on a Sunday afternoon by means of rapid-fire, remote-control channel surfing. Labor Fraud: Politicians who roll up their sleeves only when posing for campaign photographs.
[All jokes are believed to be in the public domain. If you feel one of these belongs to you, please let us know the details and we will either remove the material or provide a link at your request.]
Unless otherwise noted, all photos and text is Copyright © Richard G Lowe, Jr.